1. I’m an advocate of peer pressure.
2. I was married to Kerry Washington but a non-disclosure agreement prohibits me from talking about it.
3. My life is a series of naps, interrupted by work and entertained by tweets.
4. People who press the elevator button after you’ve already done it are idiots.
5. If there was a movie about my life, I’d want Sean Connery to play me. I think it would be a breakout role for him.
6. I think the same asshole who invented tweegram probably thinks it’s okay to like your own Facebook status.
7. I like big butts and I cannot lie.
8. OJ did it. Good thing I wasn’t on that jury.
9. I think Mario Van Peebles, Keenen Ivory Wayans and Robert Townsend made movies so that they could give themselves really cool roles, otherwise they’d be lame if someone else casted them in flicks.
10. I don’t understand sarcasm.